16 wishes but it's my head that is full of wasps

on childhood ire and unrealistic expectations

looking back on the movie “16 Wishes” I think that the most unrealistic part of the movie isn’t the omnipotent fairy, but the fact that those candles were in the hands of one of the most sensible teenagers ever. so what she met her celebrity crush and bested the ongoing rivalry of her childhood friend? those are just run-of-the-mill requests of any teenage girl, and if you ask one, she will show you the 14 more depraved and irresponsible requests at the top of her list. Abby Jensen grew up in a time where she hadn’t even been introduced to a Brazilian Butt Lift yet.

Abby Jensen played by Debby Ryan

I slated her for wasting her own wishes, positive that only in some vapidly fantastical and adulterated world like the Disney Cinema, would a teenage girl be like her. I wanted to replace her and her silly 16 wishes sooo bad and thought there would be no telling what power I could hold if granted my own genie. but to me now, Abby is a commendable teenager who managed her pent-up adolescent emotions with safe and feasible wishes that didn’t even wreak havoc or violate natural law. the second act dilemma where she briefly experiences the crushing weight of adulthood (her family now longer recognise her and she is in debt), would be the least of my worries if that was me. one fight with my parents and I would have whipped the candles and some sort of ill-fated circumstances would have corresponded to them.

but alas due to the luck of a loophole, Abby is able to reverse her wish and all is fixed. I fear my penitence could never be vetoed so straightforwardly like that and would have to reside with my brash hormonal desires for the rest of my life.

some brief wishes in an ideal world of a teenage girl:

1. abundant money (it’s actually hard to believe she never directly wished for this like c'mon this is at the top of everyone’s list!!!!!!)

2. to break a bone, preferably a hand, for an indefinite amount of time accompanied with a black Sharpie for the sea of signatures over my sparkly blue cast

3. to know everything about everyone, everywhere all at once (maybe telepathy)

4. to never go to school again

I do consider this 2010 adaption to be bounds more successful than its 1984 counterpart, and deep down I am glad it has been left alone not to be picked up again in this new wave of Gen-Z obsessed modern remakes. but immeasurably I am more grateful that the fairy did not visit me.